Diary of a fourteen-year-old Australian

What my diary entries looked like at 14… I changed the names and there are two sections of dialogue that didn’t exist before but everything else is copied out of my old journal verbatim.

I added the dialogue in for you guys because I can remember it pretty well and it helps with understanding what happened.

Gosh, I was a funny kid. Reading my journal entries makes me almost wet myself sometimes. I was the worst! I can’t wait to finish my book series so you can try and work out where I included some of this content in The Girl Diaries, The Boy Chronicles and The Therapy Journals series. Write what you know right?

 

 

Sunday, November 9th

Okay so since Monday the week has been… really odd… in an awesome way. I finally told Tabitha all about Wyatt. Ayla and Grayson went on a double date with Tabitha and Leyton. I helped Leigh make stirfry at her place after school, Chuck came by and ate most of it. It was the first, and very likely the last time Leigh ever lets him in her house. He lit up on her front veranda while her parents were home. Sometimes he is just super dumb.

When I got home I found a wallet that has been lost for years, it had ten dollars in it which I used to buy a joint from Leyton.

Chuck tried to make up for getting us kicked out of leigh’s house by giving me head which somehow turned into me giving him head. Go figure.

Tuesday, I got a B for my English monologue. We had a performance for ensemble, our last one for the year. Barely anyone asides other music geeks turned up. I officially resigned from strings straight afterwards. I can think of five thousand things I would rather do on a (Wednesday night) instead of practice viola. And the less I see of Melita next year the better, it’s bad enough she is in two of my elective classes for the next two years. To celebrate Chuck and I had sex for the first time in a fortnight. I should quit band more often.

Wednesday, went to the heritage village for an excursion. The food was definitely the highlight.

Thursday, SOSE exam followed by shopping. Poor Leigh was the only person there without a boyfriend.

Friday, Jade threw a party but I had to work and the cops had broken it up by the time I finished my close.

Saturday, Huge piss up out at the music bowl. Wow, just. Wow. Every single teenager in the whole district was there. Tabitha kissed every guy but Leyton and Grayson hooked up with Delia back stage while his band friends performed. I got beyond trashed, people were just handing me drinks all night. I flashed the band for a T-shirt and then danced in the mosh pit with Leigh. This all got caught on film apparently, including me making out with Leigh and her copping a feel while she helped me get dressed into my prize. No idea what happened to the singlet I had original worn out. Chuck got grumpy about it and I made it up to him by giving him head in the disabled toilet stall. Lucky I did because while we were in there the police showed up and we were able to hide out until they had finished taking names.

When I finally crawled back into bed with Chuck not far behind I had ten missed calls and one very messy voice mail from Tabitha. Turns out Leyton dumped her.

Saturday, November 15th 2003

Shit the semester is almost over. Chuck and I have been officially dating for two months. It feels way longer though as I have known him since June.

Monday, cooked jam drops, baking always makes me feel better when I am hungover AF. Spoke to Delia about her making out with Grayson while he was dating Ayla. She didn’t even try to defend her actions, I kind of admire her sheer guile.

Tuesday, as per usual our English teacher was being a hard ass, getting up me for finishing my last assignment TOO SOON as that means I didn’t put in enough effort to grasp the material. She ahsn’t even read it. Unghhh.

Wednesday, Chuck is busy with school stuff so he doesn’t get kept back so I have been missing him loads. I actually did all of my work in double maths today and my teacher was too amazed to hide the shock when I emailed him my score. His glasses actually fell off his face.

Thursday, after school I delivered weed to Jade that she had asked Grayson for and then met up with Kacie at the shops. Chuck joined us and so did Shona. God, why is she always around my boyfriend? Honestly, doesn’t she have her own? Oh wait, she does, that would be Theodore. Why can’t she hang out with him instead?

I was immensely relieved when Jade showed up with Felix and I could get high and stop caring about whether or not Shona was making fun of me every time she and Chuck would laugh together.

Jade was wearing a beret and Felix kept calling her Paris. I saw Delia and Grayson together in the food court and met up with Tabitha and Ayla. Ayla was down so I convinced her to eat chips with gravy, chicken salt and sour cream.  Always cheers me up. She had to hold her nose as she put it in her mouth the first time but she came around when she realised it was uber tasty.

Friday, double spare. I helped Grayson write an apology letter to Ayla. I was amazed he agreed to it at all to be honest but it was really heartfelt and I was happy to sneak it into her locker. I wrote a letter for Chuck afterwards but I definitely won’t ever give it to him. No point bringing up issues we are both happier repressing.

Talked online with Jake, he has decided that he wants to try pot and would appreciate me and my connections hooking him up.

“I’m not a drug dealer you know.”

“But you’re dating one.”

“Actually I’m not.”

“He knows where to score weed though.”

“Maybe.”

“Definitely, please Riss, please get a couple of joints for me.”

“Not through my boyfriend.”

“Who then?”

“That’s for me to know and you to come up with fifty dollars.”

“Joints don’t cost that much.”

“Finder’s fee.”

“Hahahahahaha. Okay, deal.” F*#k it, I know Jake can afford it.

Saturday, Netball was cancelled so Chuck, Jade Felix and I went to the skate park. I almost did a jump. Felix asked Jade out and then I had to sit there while they made out because Chuck was having fun on his bike so he didn’t want to play with me.

Monday, December 1st 2003

Walked over to Chucks to watch movies. Got chips along the way. His mum was home so we got interrupted constantly. It’s almost like parents think if they can’t get any they have to make sure nobody else does.

Monday, first day of exam block. Totally dull. Talked to Nate and Colton in my first free period, they were cooking and as we know, I am always up for free snacks.

Tuesday, Dance exam went well, part one of the three days we are performing did anyway, I wrote a poem after I finished my Social Studies multiple choice. I wish all exams were multiple choice, I always know the answer when I can choose it out of a line up.

Wednesday, Filled my water bottle up with ice and some of mums scotch. Didn’t end up drinking it in class because I forgot to bring gum. Alistair walked me home and it was lucky I hadn’t drank because mum asked me to come help her with work that afternoon.

Thursday was good. The day went like WHOOSH, we didn’t go shopping which was good as I am still poor from buying Christmas gifts for everyone. We went to the Lock In at The Arcade and Summer gave me an update of Wyatt’s plea bargain so now there will be no trial to attend. Chuck could tell I was distracted after talking to her and he did his best to cheer me up by playing Dance Dance Revolution with me. He had almost beat me a couple of times by the end of the night.

Friday, Tabitha and I blew off school in favour of window shopping and carbs. We talked a lot, about her seeing Blake again, about my upcoming birthday plans, we even discussed books, a very little but it was still nice. We went to Jades for the evening, she was throwing an invite only break up party since she refused to attend Melita’s bonfire night. Colton, Nate, Alistair, Grayson, Leyton, Delia, Felix and Chuck were all there by the time we arrived. Everyone was considerably wasted and had even set up a blow up pool. I immediately thought about asking Kacie to come when I saw it but figured it was late notice and she was probably already somewhere else. Jade let me borrow a pair of her togs so I could get in and then we did tequila shots. Felix and Jade ended up having sex in her mums caravan, three times! I got drunk enough not to care when Chuck carried me upstairs and we ended up in my friends bed. I promise I will was the sheets I swear. He must not have been as drunk as I thought because he went five times before we ended up falling asleep. Not his best record but he definitely did better than me. I was amazed he didn’t care enough to try for a sixth but maybe he was counting my three orgasms as cumulative towards an even numbered total for the night. Or morning rather.

Saturday, Tabitha filled me in on all the goss while we sipped kombucha in the hammock. She made out with both Grayson and Leyton. Delia was majorly drunk and pashed Daniel. I hadn’t even realised Daniel came round that is how engrossed I was in other activities.

Once we had pepped up we showered, got into our netball gear and then won our semi-finals. I sat out two quarters and Tabitha sat out three which is probably the contributing factor. Never though I would be grateful to have Baidon as a spare on our team but I genuinely was thankful today. I measured my weed plants and they are now 23cm. I should probably see if Liam will come and get them soon, mum won’t believe the tomatoes project lie much longer I am thinking.

Went to Melita’s around five, Leigh had managed to convince Jade to get her sister to buy us booze even though Jade wasn’t coming. Chucks mother gave us a lift and Tabitha and Leigh caught an Uber with the esky.

Chuck was annoyed it was all girly vodka drinks and promptly decided to just get really high rather than be seen drinking anything with a pink label.

I was amazed how many people came, everyone from netball, including Jake, everyone from our grade apart from Jade and Stavros, and quite a few people from the upper grades as well. I managed to score a couple of beers of Josh to give to Chuck and then Liam gifted him a rum later on as well. I lost track of Tabitha early on, she was making out with Grayson again, they didn’t even break apart when a fight started between two guys right near her.

I’d lost my enthusiasm for drinking by then, between that and an unsettling flirty moment with Jake I just wanted to curl up in my tent with my boyfriend and call it a night. He was only too happy to oblige.

He told me he loved me for the first time and it was the most perfect moment you could ever imagine. Only to be eclipsed when my now husband professed he loved me under similar circumstances some eight years later.

Sunday, helped with the morning after barbeque on the coals leftover from the bonfire. Went over to Jades to return her esky (I had filled it with candy bars that Melita’s parents had been giving away to everyone) then went home to mow the lawn. I was really grateful to not be hungover while doing that.

Chuck finally got a new computer so he ignored me for it all afternoon but I didn’t mind because I had loads of chocolate to keep me satisfied instead.

Saturday, December 6th

On Tuesday I went to Chucks to get away from my psychotic mother who broke my computer. He promised he would fix it and then let me finish the edits on my resume using his. Of course he used it as a way to convince me to give him head because I now owed him. Boys. Lol.

Wednesday was the worst day of my life. Well maybe not, but geez it really sucked. Mum made me help her clean out the garage as punishment for running off yesterday and when I finally finished Wyatt called and asked if I wanted to come to a party with him tonight to celebrate his community service sentence. Of course I said yes, I didn’t want to stay home and get the cold shoulder from my mother for the rest of the night when I could be drinking. Then he asked if I wanted to bring a friend so I texted around and Tabitha was free. She came round for a “sleep over.”

We snuck out as soon as mum was asleep, Wyatt met us at the park beside my house, then we went to maccas, his shout, got a feed and then walked to his mates house with him. That was the end of things being fun for the evening.

We had a couple of cones but the vibe was really off. The party was just us two girls, Wyatt and three of his friends who were all like twenty-four or maybe older. They kept offering us drinks but we were pretty sure the weed wasn’t just weed by that point so I faked being sick and we took off. Now, what happened after I can’t one hundred percent say I know for certain but it felt like they were chasing after us because we hid underneath a ute and the same car kept driving around the streets where we were hiding. When it finally stopped circling the block we ran like anything back towards my place, even taking a shortcut through the school so we couldn’t be seen along the main road. We saw a lot of strange shit on the way back, at one point we were both sure that their were crocodiles beneath the bridge. Once we were safely back at mine we locked all the doors and that’s when the adrenaline wore off and both of us knew for sure that the weed had been fucked with because we spent the next few hours alternating puking in the downstairs toilet.  Lesson learnt. Don’t trust Wyatt or his criminal mates. And definitely don’t go to a party where guys ask you to “bring a friend.”

Thursday, I was still spaced out, so was Tabitha. Chuck came over and I let Tabitha fill him in, I didn’t have the guts. He wasn’t happy but he could see how badly shaken we both were so I guess he figured we had already learned our lesson.

Leigh guilt tripped us both into coming out shopping with her even after we had filled her in on the almost date rape saga and not even five minutes after Chuck, Tabitha and I arrived I ran into Wyatt while waiting for Chuck and Tabitha to buy drinks in the supermarket. I couldn’t even move. I just stood there while he apologised for his friends poor behaviour, they hadn’t been trying to date rape us, they assumed we knew there would be heroin mixed with the weed. Who the hell even assumes that? No wonder we hallucinated and got so sick. Chuck saw us talking and came to my rescue, if it hadn’t been for me crying and needing him to hold me I can one hundred and fifty percent guarantee he would have punched Wyatt’s lights out.

Tabitha decided she wanted to go home after I told her what we had been dosed with the previous evening and I followed soon after, waiting only long enough for Ayla and Leigh to show up to let them know I wasn’t staying and why. Ayla was sympathetic, Leigh was annoyed but attempted not to show it which I appreciated.

Friday, spent the whole day in bed with Chuck. We didn’t do anything, I was still experiencing some really unpleasant symptoms of nausea coupled with a really sore throat.  My phone rang eleven times from a private number and Chucks rang four times. No points for guessing who that was.

I had a text from Summer around dinner time asking how I was feeling which means that her and Liam know about what happened now as well. Just great.

Saturday, I took six Ibuprofen and sucked it up to go play our finals. We won, Jake was so happy he ran around picking all the girls up and kissing them. I held up my hand when he tried it on me and unexpectedly Leigh gave me an early birthday present she had purchased for me Thursday night. It was a really cute Russ bunny keychain, his name was Maxim.

I walked to Chucks house with Tabitha, picking Jade up along the way. We hung out under his house with Felix and Kacie and listened to music. Chuck let us play songs that we actually like which was a nice change of pace for his stereo. All that metal he blasts can’t possibly be good for the graphene membrane.

Chuck and I are sitting out the front. He’s smoking, what new? And I am trying to avoid the awkward vibe that the whole Jade dating Tabitha’s ex but Tabitha is in the same room as them has created.

He got a call from an unknown number and then I got one. I sighed. “Geez Wyatt, you are not going to be forgiven, give it a rest already.”

“Maybe it’s not Wyatt.”

“Who else would call us both that isn’t already here?”

“I don’t know, it’s just weird. I mean, I always knew he was a few screws short but date raping underage girls and stalking them, that’s below even his standards.”

“I don’t care. I just wish he was going to jail.”

Chuck didn’t say anything but he put out his smoke and hugged me until I felt good enough to go back inside with everyone else.

Why I write

I was inspired to write by some complex things. Learning about narrative therapy at the Dulwich centre in Adelaide is probably the main factor. Other influences include: writing diaries as a teenager myself; reading journals written by students and health professionals I have worked with; my own observation’s of the hardships that have been created for teens coming of age in a world that gives everyone unlimited connectivity through the internet.

Comedy, misery and profound advice littered the pages I read. Growing up has never been a more difficult journey than in the modern era, transitioning from child to adult facing an uncertain technology-obsessed world.  With the adults around you, for the most part, unaware of what challenges our youth are truly facing.

I endeavour to incorporate themes that speak true of the experiences young Australians face and how those experiences affect the rest of their lives. How important it is to develop resilience in your formative years and learn from your mistakes, externalise them and strive to keep moving forward. How the technological tumor (that is social media) is eating away at the normal development of human beings with devastating consequences. Too few are consciously aware of how they use their precious time, once it is gone you can never take it back. What will you remember in fifteen years from now? A week of nights spent aimlessly scrolling through your news feed, or a meaningful encounter with a culture different than you own when you volunteered with a foreign aid initiative abroad?

I have always loved writing, weaving entertaining stories and giving voice to things that people would prefer stay hidden. This is why I have chosen a diary style, first person point of view for my series. I want to show people how these inner worlds work, help people to see, feel and understand their decision-making process and natural impulses, rather than repress them. We cannot discuss what we refuse to acknowledge in teenagers and their challenges in life are so often dismissed by adults, their concerns made invisible and ignored. Society has evolved and I truly belive that the next generation need to be more forgiving and more accepting of one another in order to create a world where all persons, of any age are truly equal. Books that deviate from the conventional tropes and genres are what I believe we need to be encouraging authors to write. Stories that will resonate with our latent desires to know more and become more than we currently are.

My Advice to aspiring authors, writers and content creators (Inspired by an interview in Dalby 2019)

So, you want to be a published author.

Maybe you already have several published works under your belt or maybe you are overwhelmed by how much work needs to go into this career choice on top of writing your book baby.

Getting a publishing deal is rare nowadays in an over saturated market, but don’t let that discourage you in pursuing your dreams. Make writing a part-time hobby while you build up your platform and once you have a completed book in your hot little hands check out my publishing tips for indie-writers below.

What NOT to do.

There are heaps of ways to get ripped off as an aspiring author.  If you want to sell your books and get good income from them DON’T use a vanity publishing house. Never heard of a vanity publisher before? They are a publishing company that ask you to pay for them to produce and market your novel. It’s a total scam and the editing services they offer will be subpar. For a full black list click this link here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:List_of_companies_engaged_in_the_self-publishing_business

Other big self-publishing no no’s include:

  • Designing your own book cover;
  • Using Grammarly or Spell Checker only to edit your book;
  • Spending thousands of dollars on printing physical copies of your books;
  • Refusing to invest in your education as an author and entrepreneur (yes, being a successful author means you need to run a business and it’s hard work that requires lots of professional development)
  • Not participating in the online author community;
  • And marketing AFTER your book has been published

Let’s not focus on the bad stuff too long though, I’d be here all week. This post is about empowering you as an aspiring/writer. To help you understand your choices around publishing and marketing, as well as running a successful creative business.

In this post you will find links to how-to-guides courses and products that I have found helpful on my own journey. All at no or low cost!

I do not provide any info on the initial creative writing part… There is more than enough help out there on Facebook groups, Twitter posts and even Instagram prompt challenges. In fact, NANoWriMo is probably the number one first step for anyone who is still in the planning phases of writing a book.

ANYWAY? In the olden days, you would spend years and years writing a novel. You would mail it off to a Big Five publishing company (The big five are, of course, Hachette, HarperCollins, Macmillan, Penguin Random House and Simon & Schuster) with a query letter and synopsis and wait… and pray… and more than likely have your dreams crushed.

If you aren’t already famous these companies want nothing to do with you and quite often a great book will still be rejected with the advice “Go build your platform and show us you can generate sales first.”

So that’s exactly what you need to do guys. Set up a website. Get on Social. Build a following and then submit to publishing companies or better yet, publish for yourself on KDP or Ingram Spark.

 

Building your own author platform means you can sell and promote books and actually make a living, not just hope that one day you will make it out of the manuscript slush pile and be published.

What you should do when self-publishing:

  • Build an audience and get feedback on your work through sites like Wattpad or running your own WordPress blog.
  • Use tools like Scrivener and Vellum to help you organize your work and ensure you have a beautiful and well formatted finished product. Why is format important? Read more here https://kdp.amazon.com/en_US/help/topic/G200645680
  • Educate yourself on the craft of writing by listening to free YouTube videos or using creator education apps like Skill Share. Learning is for life people!
  • Save up and hire a professional freelance editor, as well as a cover designer, a proofreader and any other developmental editing specialists your book needs. Websites like https://www.fiverr.com/ are an awesome place to find these services.
  • Take advantage of Print-on-Demand technology to get your book directly onto the biggest bookstores in the world. Don’t know what Print-On-Demand publishing is? Check out this link here https://www.editage.com/book-editing-services/articles/top-10-self-publishing-companies-a-2018-guide-for-first-time-authors.html

Okay, so I have a book, I’ve set up some accounts on social media and I’ve hit publish. I have a book baby out in the world. So why am I not getting any sales?

Well, this is where the marketing side of being an indie author comes into play. I’m not even going to try and cover all the steps that you need to take next but I am going to give you a neat little list of free eBook and video series that you can access which will help get you from published author to paid published author.

  1. Chandler Bolt and the Self Publishing School. It’s not for everyone, but if you’re focused on writing for income, it might be just what you need. https://self-publishingschool.com/
  2. Derek Murphy and Creative Indie and DIY Book Covers https://www.creativindie.com/
  3. Jenna Moreci, Authortuber and Cyborg Queen on Discord https://www.jennamoreci.com/
  4. Craig Martelle 20Booksto50K book conferences http://20booksvegas.com/
  5. Joanna Penn’s The Write Life blog https://thewritelife.com/28-resources-tools-and-tips-for-self-publishing/

Fiction Writing Tips – 1 year in

  1. Don’t go on and on about the weather. Just because your character is witnessing the mother of all summer rainstorms doesn’t mean you need to describe it for half a page. Readers are here for character development. In particular, characters with giant flaws that we can all relate to.
  2. Don’t start with a prologue if you can reasonably add the backstory into your chapter dialogue. Why? Prologues are often just backstory that doesn’t even drive the plot and if something you write doesn’t serve your greater story arc, cut it!
  3. Use “said” as a dialogue time 95% of the time. Any other verb in replace of this is just you being lazy about describing the actions in between the dialogue that show character emotion. If you do REALLY need to use a verb other than said, avoid “grumbled”, “gasped”, “cautioned”, “lied” and “asseverated.” Speaking of dialogue tag tips, never modify said with adverbs, you really don’t need to say “she admonished gravely” if you can carry the grave tone in the wording of the dialogue itself this will involve the reader more fully in the plot.
  4. Reign in your use of exclamation marks. If I see one in the first chapter its either a middle grade novel or you didn’t use a quality editor.
  5. Avoid terms such as “he suddenly felt overcome by (insert random emotion here)” an “all hell broke loose” if you can show the readers that shits about to go down they are going to rate you five stars. if not, rework your draft.
  6. Avoid italics to convey tone, never use bold in your work either. Yes, even if they are yelling. Above all, don’t spell our regional dialect phonetically. This just kills the pacing of your scene.
  7. Avoid overly detailing the physical attributes of your characters. No one needs to know that the main character has five freckles on his right cheek but seven on his left. Outside of a hint at eye colour and ethnicity, let the characters personality and quirks inform the readers idea of their physical appearance. Lets be real, avoid over describing anything in your novel, setting, emotions, how the sewage treatment plant smells. These distractions don’t help with pacing, and the goal of your characters is the priority.
  8. Cut the fluff! If you would skip it when you are reading a book in the same genre it needs to go! Sometimes we writers get a wee bit excited by the sudden bursts of creativity that can overcome us and we suddenly HAVE TO ADD a little tidbit of detail that doesn’t serve to advance the plot or develop our characters in any way. This is okay, but they can’t be in your final draft.
  9. Lastly, if it sounds like rubbish when you read the paragraph out loud you need to rewrite it. No if’s, buts or any other whining. It needs to be rewritten. I did 24 drafts of my first novel ‘Awkward Honesty’ and looking back, I wish I’d done more. I probably could have got a traditional book deal if I had.

Tips for professional email writing

 

In my humble opinion, most people manage emails well. As compared to social media users who are not managing amazingly well. In my non-writing career I regularly correspond with my coworkers and network contacts and even when we have to discuss sensitive issues it all seems to be discussed with good grace. However, because of the ubiquity of conversing via a digital medium, sometimes emails can get the better of us.

Below is my own personal tips to assist you to email your colleagues and peers in a consistent non-biased manner.

So, firstly, what is email? A communication medium that transmits electronic information.  Guys, email is basically a formal letter. Treat it as such because it can be used against you in court. Your digital signature holds up these days.

Who should I cc into my emails? Management, your direct team leader, your co-workers, a professional connection involved in the project or case work? If it’s not relevant (generating junk email for your peers) or it’s breaching your companies privacy policy regarding client or company information maybe you just shouldn’t include them in the correspondence.

Should I use my work email to talk with friends? Nope. And if you do need to chat informally with your work mates it’s a good idea to just pick up the phone instead of wasting company time gossiping or making weekend plans.

Is it really necessary to review my email before I hit send? Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes! A long time ago in the days of hand written letters we allocated on average an hour and a half to the task. Most of the emails I receive have barely two minutes of thought put into them. And yes, that short cycle of preparation means we are now more efficient in our interactions but that also poses greater risks of misinterpretation. Take an extra two minutes to clear your email of jargon, emojis and inappropriate language. While you’re at it, run spell checker..  

 

Camp NANOWRIMO July 2019

Project: Pretty Liar

Book #6 in The Girl Diaries

Cover concept:

The Girl Diaries (2)

Scene I’m proud of:

Thursday 9th October

7:09pm

Out Thursday night shopping with my lovely friends Tegan, Jeanne and my boyfriend Chuck.

7:10 pm

Hardly!

7:31 pm

Tegan, Chuck and Jeanne have walked off somewhere and ditched me.

7:50 pm

Met up with Tara and we are going to go down to Fun Zone. I forgot to bring my mobile so it’s not like I can call my mates to find out where they are anyway.

8:11pm

Hanging out the front of Fun Zone with Tara, and some girls she knows from her Mums church group Em and Keira. Not that they are dressed like they would ever set foot in a church and finally Chuck shows up after Tegan’s and Jeanne had also ditched him. I decided not to mention feeling rejected and instead suggested we played car racing and the DDR machine for a bit.

 

8:19 pm

Chuck convinced me to play pool instead, but we were interrupted by one of Tara’s older mates showing up before we had set up the rack even. He exchanged hellos with her and her other friends and then headed back outside and lit up a smoke.

 

9:04 pm

He stood out the front and chain smoked for a half hour easy. Casually chatting with Tara-Louise who leaned on the bike racks beside the smoking area. He was clearly quite off his face stoned given the crimson tone of his sclera’s. I stared at him in between taking my shots as he took drag after drag. He must have thought I was checking him out because he introduced himself as Trent to me and then offered me a hit. I declined with a stifled laugh. I was checking him out. Just not in the usual way. Eventually Chuck bummed a smoke off him because he couldn’t handle nicotine withdrawal any longer and after they both finished their cigarettes he invited Trent to come play pool with us inside. They seemed to get on well, they were certainly conversing heaps in between taking shots. I decided no one would miss me while I went to the bathroom to reapply lipstick and didn’t bother to let the boys or Tara-Lousie know when I walked off. I stood and watched a couple of younger kids play Mortal Kombat for a few minutes because they had amped up the gore factor by unlocking some lizard looking character. Eventually that grew dull also and I took back up my original mission to sort out my lip situation. As I passed the row of Sega games towards the toilets I saw Josh gearing up to play laser tag with some of his basketball mates. He smiled and waved at me, so I gave him my best nonchalant nod and kept moving to the back of the building. Seriously, why does Josh have to be so good looking? I think I’m completely over feeling attracted to him and he grins at me like I’m the most amazing human being on the planet and then I spend all my energy just fighting the impulse to reciprocate his enthusiasm. It’s crazy. I hate that he still evokes any sort of emotional response from me. I wish I knew how to turn off the part of my limbic system that still finds him attractive.

9:41 pm

We’re all out of money now so Tara-Louise got one of her friends who has a car to give Chuck a lift home from Fun Zone but there wasn’t enough room for me so then her mate Trent who was swigging a beer at that point piped up and offered to walk me back to my house. No one offered me a better alternative, so I took him up on his proposal.

10:02 pm

It was nice of him to offer to walk me home. He said it wasn’t out of his way but I’m sure that it is. We ambled along silently for a good long while until we passed Emmaus school and I told him about working here sometimes with Mum. So, we detoured over the locked fence and I showed him the sports hall I help clean in the afternoons. There was a huge pile of leaves across the path we took to get back out of the school grounds. I took the opportunity to kick them everywhere. Trent laughed at me and then joined in. We hadn’t even made much of a go dispersing the leaf litter when he slipped and landed on his back crushing the pile completely. I didn’t mean to laugh as loudly as I did but once I started I couldn’t stop, which resulted in him retaliating and pulling me down into the autumn pile with him. We lay on the ground for a minute just giggling at how childish we were behaving and when Trent repositioned himself and sat up I followed his lead taking it as a sign we should head off again. That wasn’t his intention though because he turned to face me, pulled a twig from the complete mess that was my hair at this point and then leaned over and kissed me.

10:15pm

I was not expecting him to do that. He tasted like way too many cigarettes and lingering Carlton Dry. I pulled back and stood up hastily flinging my arms up in an exasperated why? I didn’t get a chance to censor the next words that came out of my mouth until I’d heard my self say, “What the actual fuck, you just spent 2 hours with me and my boyfriend?” And then I clamped my hand over my mouth mortified at the language I’d used in my shock at suddenly being kissed in the middle of a Catholic school garden bed. He smiled broadly and replied “You’re cute” which only served to make me feel more outraged. “That’s hardly a reason” I stated as I began brushing all the dirt and grime off myself and started walking towards the road again. He jogged after me and offered no apology, only saying “You’re really cute, is that a better reason?” I didn’t bother replying. I was angry at more than his justifications. I’m not cute. I have incredibly gorgeous friends in fact and they don’t get kissed constantly by random boys. Being cute isn’t the issue. Boys always tell me that I look attractive and that’s why they want to get with me. I don’t believe that’s what’s going on at all. I think I have a reputation for being easy and that’s what they find so attractive. Case in point. Trent. Trent who got on well with my actual boyfriend. Trent who shouldn’t be telling me I’m cute. The only reason this even happened is likely due to Tara-Louise telling him about me before tonight. I slipped back over the fence and marched over to the curb and pressed the button on the crosswalk and then I felt Trent stop beside me and I looked up into the goofy smile on this idiots’ face. He’s hardly going to apologise, and I still had a 5 block walk home so I looked him straight in the eyes and I asked him in a measured tone “Will you still walk me home if I won’t put out?” He pretended to think about it until the crosswalk lit up green for us and then he swung his arm across my shoulders and told me “Sure thing cutie” with a mischievous glint in his eyes that I chose to ignore as I ducked out of his one-armed hug and started across the intersection towards home.

10:40pm

We got back to my house without further mishap. I made a point to walk inside and lock my screen door behind me before I said goodnight to him. He didn’t look pissed off, he looked amused as he said “Night then cutie” and he blew me a kiss before heading off home himself.

11:01 pm

The hot shower isn’t making me feel less annoyed.

11:12 pm

All we did was kiss once though. Why do I feel so crappy?

11:41pm

That’s not any great achievement to only kiss someone once when you have a boyfriend.

11:50pm

In my bed. Crying. Lots.

Excerpt (draft one) from Hearts Unbound – Book Nine of The Girl Diaries

Some CampNaNoWriMo stuff I needed to store because I’m not on my PC and I can’t remember my email password.

 

14th February

My valentines sucked

 

Sunday 15th February

Shift at work was miserable. I was heartbroken and hungover.

You busy?

Just got off work

Come over?

I can but I’ve got work later.

Liams angry at Wyatt for going out with that girl in your ensemble group.

Ayla?

Yes.

Why.

Because he’s in love with you and Liam told him to leave you be. He thinks Wyatt is doing it to make you jealous.

Well, it’s not working. It’s just weird. Poor Ayla.

*Drama between Liam and Summer. I know it’s my fault because Wyatt came over my house last night

I left Summers house and thought about walking over to Chucks place. I didn’t want to go home. I got to his street and changed my mind, I couldn’t talk to him about this. I found myself absentmindedly going over to Kacies.

I rang the doorbell and her little brother answered. We’re the same height even though he’s years younger than me. He grinned and I was shocked at home much he looked like his big sister, they even have the same indent on there chins.

“ I’m here to see Kacie.”

“ She’s at work.”

“ Oh…”

“ Dad’s just gone to pick her up, do you want to wait in her room?”

“ Is that okay?”

“I don’t care,” he said walking back to the lounge leaving the door wide open, he plonked back on the couch picked up the controller and unpaused his game. The sound of shooting filled the hallway and I closed the door and made my way towards the stairs.

*turns out Kacie has had sex with Leyton, Jake and even Owen because he thought Delia dumped him. Nope. Awkward.

“When did all that happen?” I asked, genuinely impressed at home many boys she had slept with in such a short time. She’d been a virgin when we first met, could that really only be four months ago?

*Kacie and I talked about the Wyatt Ayla drama and I called my mum to tell her where I was and that I’d be home early tomorrow to get ready for work. I needed a uniform that fit me, Kacie was two sizes smaller than I am.

Chuck sent me a text as soon as I got off the phone with my mum.

Where are you?

Kacies.

Why?

Why not.

Wanna come to mine? Mum let me buy Woodys.

“Do you mind if we take this sleepover to your besties house.”

“Chucks not my bestie you know.”

“What is he to you?”

About the only guy I don’t ever want to sleep with.

Harsh.

No, it’s good. We can just hang out it’s great, plus he has you and he really loves you.

Why’d he try to hook up with Adalind then?

He was angry, but at least it helped him realise there is a difference between being with someone you love and just hooking up. He didn’t understand how meaningless it was before, before he’d only ever been with you.

“ Should I feel jealous?” I don’t. I’m worried that means something.

“ I wish I didn’t feel jealousy, it’s not productive.”

 

Monday 16th February

Chuck and I went back to my place so I could shower and dress for work. Mum invited him to join her at the movies while I had my shift. Geez mum, way to go overboard with being nice. Weirdly enough Chuck said yes. I couldn’t control my jaw dropping.

*unprotected sex and he came inside me*

“ I’m so sorry, I started pulling out and you dug your nails in.”

“ I don’t even remember.”

“ I came in you, shit you’re not on anything.”

“ I know but wow it’s so much better.”

“What?”

Theres no pain afterwards.”

“You always felt pain after?” Chuck looked horrified.

“With condoms yeah that’s why I always wanted to shower, it burned, I just thought it was normal.”

“No, it really isn’t. You ever think maybe you’re allergic to latex or something?”

 

Tuesday 17th February

Class. Home. Doctors visit to grab the morning after pill. Went to Chucks after school and noticed Adalind was there smoking with Chuck on the steps.

“Hey, sorry I didn’t tell you I was coming over.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I’m leaving anyway I just came to grab this,” she held up a pack of filters.

“Nice seeing you,” I said and squeezed past them to go and grab a cup of water so I could take these tablets.”

“I have to take two now and two at six,” I told chuck when he joined me in the kitchen.

“Did you have to get your mum to give permission?”

“No,” My sister pretended to be my mum and gave consent to my GP but Chuck didn’t need to know about that mortifying lecture she gave me about safe sex. I was still reeling myself.

I didn’t keep any of the tablets down in the end and I threw up well into the night. Chuck suggested calling an ambulance at one point.

“No, then my mum will definitely find out what idiots we are and I don’t want to ruin how good it is with you guys.”

“She’s definitely warmed up to me since…”

“Since I cut myself?” I finished for him.

“That, yeah.”

“You’re allowed to talk about it, I’m definitely not going to do it again.” Because I’m never going to cheat on you and hate myself for it.

Wednesday 18th February

Didn’t go to school. Still felt way too nauseated. Mum asked me if I was pregnant when she got home from work and found me lying on the bathroom floor. I told her that I definitely wasn’t but she wasn’t convinced. Neither was I to be honest. Surely this nausea can’t just be from the morning after pill.

Wyatt called, apparently Ayla had told him I wasn’t at school.

“Because I’ve been puking, but hard to work on choreography when you can’t move your head without retching into a toilet bowl.”

“you always say exactly what you’re thinking don’t you?” Actually, I most definitely do not.

“ Why are you calling?”

“To see how you are.”
“ Alive, now can I go back to bed please,”

“You sure you don’t want me to bring you chicken soup.”

“I’d just projectile vomit it back up all over you Wyatt and I’m sure Ayla wouldn’t appreciate you playing nurse with me.”

Silence.

 

At the GP with Chuck and my mum. When the nurse called my name they both stood up to come in with me.

“I’m going in alone.” I told them and when neither of them sat down I pursed my lips, “ Fine I won’t see a doctor, I’ll just wait it out like I wanted to in the first place.”

“Take a pregnancy test at least, please.” My mother said and Chucks face went white.

“ I’m not pregnant.” I told them both before turning around to head into the treatment room. I wish saying that convinced myself.

 

Thursday 19th February

The maxalon needle my doctor gave me did wonders, also I’m not pregnant, or if I was I’m not anymore. My GP also gave me another dose of tablets, mifepristone this time rather than just the morning after pill and I woke up today with cramps and a period that wasn’t due.

Sitting in assembly being lectured by our deputy principal.

Thank god school ends early on Wednesdays.

Walked to the shops with jade and met up with Felix. Super awkward tension. After I got credit I texted Chuck to see if he was done for the day and suggested we head to the pool.

Eating Chips and chocolate.

“ Good to see you have your appetitie back.”

“I never thought I would eat again.”

“ Don’t be so dramatic,” Alistair said, “ you had food poisoning for one day.”

“Well it felt like a month,”

“You’ve just eaten enough food to last a month,” Leigh said joining us on the stands.

“ Is anyone else grossed out by those two?” Alistair asked and we followed his gaze to watch Wyatt and Ayla making out underneath one of the diving boards.

“I know how to fix it,” said Felix and he jumped in beside them creating a wave that splashed everyone and ruined the rest of my lunch.

“Want me to get you another serve?” Chuck asked looking at my soggy half eaten plate.

“No,” I got up and dumped the pack in the bin and walked over to where Kacie was sunbathing with some of her school mates.

“Sup viola girl,” Veronica said, her voice was bright but her sneer was evident.

“I’m actually doing violin this year?”

“Can’t even commit to an instrument,” she said and I shifted awkwardly. We both know she was questioning my commitment to something else. I’m just glad Chuck hadn’t overheard her.

“Don’t be such a cow, come tan with us Riss.” Kacie offered.

“I just burn.”

“I just freckle but it sure does feel good in the moment.”

Felix chose that moment to get out of the pool and shake off like a dog.

“Asswipe!” Veronica yelled at him and threw a shoe at him in exasperation. He ducked out of the way and her thong landed in the pool. Wyatt swam over and handed it back to her.

“I’m gonna head, you coming?” she asked Kacie who declined.

“Yeah, I’m done with swimming too, lets go somewhere cooler for the rest of the afternoon,” Chuck said and he handed me my bag and unused towel.

“Is that dry?” Felix asked hopefully. I threw the towel at his face.

“We could go to the movies?” I suggested. My last pay was just begging to be used frivolously.

“There’s a new vampire movie out, I’ll come if you guys go see that.”

“Don’t get enough sucking in real life huh?” Felix asked her and Kacie and I both shot him and angry look.

 

*At the movies Kacie gave both Chuck and Felix hickeys to prove how expert her real life sucking skills really are.

“Your turn then, she said to me after she finished and a shiny red welt was apparent just below the caotd triangle of Felix’s neck. Chucks hickey was lower, just above his clavicle.

“I’m good, I’ve no doubt you have superior skills.”

“She really doesn’t” Chuck whispered and he reached over to hold my hand again. I relaxed the moment he touched me, I had even realized how wound up I’d gotten watching Kacie suck on his skin.

“ I will have to go to work soon,” I told him, my eyes on the screen. I didn’t want to look at the hickey on his neck again, it looked painful and I definitely wasn’t going to kiss it better. I had been so shocked when he agreed to let her give him one at all.

“ Want me to walk you over?”

“nah, hang out with these guys. Try not to hook up with Felix while I’m gone.”

“haha.”

 

Friday 20th

I have awful handwriting.

School was okay. More department heads ranting at school. This time it was about kids continuing to smoke in the tunnels below the overpass. I left school one class early to meet up with Summer before she went to work. We totally smoked together under the overpass before getting chocolate frappes together.

Chuck took me on an actual date.

I wore a dress and everything was great until Wyatt showed up with Ayla at the same restaurant and they sat down with us. He was clearly stoned and decided to loudly proclaim his theories about aliens in the middle of the dinner rush.

“Ask him to go outside for a smoke,” I begged Chuck. People were staring.

“Lets just leave.”

“I can’t do that to Ayla.”

“You owe me,” I’ll probably owe you for the rest of my life.

Ayla ate her meal in silence and then she and I paid for the bill. The guys still hadn’t come back inside.

Wyatt was sharing a joint with Chuck in the parking lot.

“I want to go home,” I told them as we made our way over to the bike racks they were resting on beside the industrial bin.

“I’ll walk you,” they both offered at once. Sigh.

“It’s all good, Ayla and I can share an uber,” I told them and I took her hand and headed back out the front of the building.

I got home and wrote a poem called Stuck on You. I can’t ever show it to anyone because it’s all about how Wyatt can’t seem to get over me but I needed to get my unhappiness at this fact out anyways.

I’m sorry I love him more, I know it isn’t fair

To lead you on and care not for your despair.

My heart is already full, though it doesn’t always show

The ways in which I love him are more than I bear to know.

I can’t remember your embrace, while accepting his.

That’s why I deny your attention and hurt you like this.

If only you could give your heart to another

I’d gladly go back to treating you as a brother

But that’s unrealistic to wish for it seems

I have to settle for watching you rip apart at the seams.

According to his profile Jake is dating Melita again. Good. They deserve eachother. Sometimes I wonder why I bother with these social accounts at all. No one even tells you anything in real life anymore.

While I was busy not caring about what my ex is up to I heard the doorbell ring, I checked my phone. Nope no messages. It’s not that late, it’s probably for mum.

“Can you get that?” she called. What am I the butler?

I opened the door to see a very well dressed Wyatt. Why didn’t he wear that nice outfit to dinner though?

“I need you to do me a favor.” Not this again.

“Ayla isn’t answering and Liam and Summer have friends over.”

“How does this result in you being on my doorstep?”

“I don’t want to get high and hook up with anyone.”

“So you came here.” Great logic that is.

“Yeah, you don’t want to cheat, I don’t want to cheat. We can help eachother.”

Saturday 21st

As soon as Wyatt went home I messaged Chuck. Can I come over today?

Of course, you don’t have to ask. He reminded me.

I grabbed food on the way over and we curled up in his airconditioned room to watch movies.

“I wish I didn’t have to get to work.”

“ I wish you never had to get dressed.”

“ if I had a bike of my own I wouldn’t have to leave for another half an hour.”

“Buy one, you can always earn more money.”

“Will you help me pick one?”

“Yeah I’ll go check out a few shops while you’re on shift.

“You’re amazing.”

“Do amazing boyfriends do this?” he asked and he rolled me on top of his still naked body and pulled my nipple in between his teeth and bit down slightly. I inhaled sharply and felt his penis harden under my thigh. I kissed him and said, “I guess they do.”

Later that night.

I have a nice shiny new bike and Chuck and I raced over to Felix’s house on it. Jade was already there and in his pool when we arrived. Chuck beat me by at least three blocks. No one felt like drinking so we just swam until I figured it was late and I should head home.

“I could ride with you, stay over, finish what we started this morning before you left rudely.”

“I have to work early tomorrow.”

“Please,” I hate saying no to him.

“I could finish you off here, those two aren’t coming out of his room anytime soon.”

 

Sunday 22nd February

 

Monday 23rd February

I got zero sleep last night because chuck stayed over. Ever since we got back together all he wants to do is have sex or get head. He made me come eight times last night before he finally let me go to sleep. I didn’t mind then but I’m stupid sore now and just lifting a pot of water is making my abdominal muscles contract painfully. It’s mums birthday though so I’m going to make her poached eggs with fried tomatoes and spinach. Hoepfully. I’ve never made poached eggs before but I found a recipe for it and it doesn’t look that difficult.

At swimming carnival sunbaking with Ayla and Leigh. Tabitha is the only one of us who still had races, if they weren’t taking attendance I would have just gone home to sleep. I managed a first place in backstroke despite not having any rest for the past 36 hours.

“So have you spoke to Wyatt since the worst double date ever?” I asked.

“Yes, he admitted he was being a wanker and apologized.”

“I hope you told him you will never go anywhere with him when he’s off his face,” Leigh said, the set of her eyes cold and severe.

“I told him that.” Why do I doubt the sincerity in that statement though?

At sizzler with the pirate family.

I had to leave early, before dessert even to get to work. I’m approaching 42 hours with no sleep now, I don’t know how I am going to manage.

Tuesday 24th February

Got home from my shift, amazed that my till even balanced because I can barely remember anything outside my hazy state.

My phone is ringing. Noooo I just want to go to bed. But it’s Chuck.

“Hey,”

“is Wyatt over?”

“What, no, I just got back from work.”

“oh, I forgot.”

“I really need to go to sleep,” I told him.

“He’s dropping off a bag for me.”

“Why is he dropping it to my place?”

“he lives closer to you.”

“I’ll wait up,” I promised but I wasn’t happy about it.

 

Fell asleep on the bench outside and woke up when Wyatt was carrying me into my bed. He tried to climb in with me too but I hissed at him, “Just leave what Chuck asked for and go.”

“I thought we could roll one, I need your advice about Ayla.”

“I don’t want to get high I just want to sleep.”

“She’s still pissed at me though.”

“Maybe stop getting trashed every single day and just spend time with her then.”

Woke up to mum asking me if I’d seen her spare shoes. Yes I had, I wore them to work last week and accidentally left them at Chucks house. I didn’t want to tell her that so I pretended to help her look for them instead of going back to sleep.

Decided I was too tired for school Want me to bring your weed over?

Ditching school are we?

Yes, but only because I want to sleep in your aircon. I’m sunburnt.

We got high and walked around the shopping centre. Ran into my mum and I made up some story about needing aloevera gel. I don’t think she bought it but she shouted Chuck and I lunch and waited around for me to try on clothes before giving us both a lift back to our place.

 

Wednesday 25th February

School. I had to pay attention because I had a lot of catch up to do. Wagging always seems like a good idea and it never is.

Got my pay in, shouted food for Tabitha, Chuck and Felix at the Indoor Sports Centre. Training was brutal, I still haven’t caught up on enough sleep.

Thursday 26th February

School.

Chuck met me after and he has the sniffles. I tucked him into my bed and made him a tin of soup. He ate it and fell asleep. I did my homework while listening to him snore and wished, not for the first time, that we could just live together. Not in our parents home but in our own place.

I fell asleep on the couch watching a movie and when I woke up I noticed my bed was empty. A sinking panicked feeling crept in. I checked my phone. Nothing.

I went to go look for him upstairs when I heard hushed angry voices.

I peeped out the front to see Chuck talking to Wyatt. What the hell is he doing here?

 

Friday 27th February

After eavesdropping on Chucks terrible advice to Wyatt about Ayla. “Dump her, find someone you want to be with and don’t tell them all your sordid history with Clarrissa.” I couldn’t hardly sleep so I’m at school like a zombie again.

“There’s a party at Graysons tonight,” Leigh told me at lunch.

“Are you going?”

“Yep, are you.”

“No, and Chuck is still sick so I’m going to his place tonight.”

“Can I tell my mum I’m sleeping at yours?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Can I tell my mum the same thing?” Tabitha asked.

“Sure, I’ll unplug the home line in case one of your folks tries to check up.”

“I was actually hoping we could both get ready at yours,” Leigh asked, she batted her eyelids at me.

I laughed, “Does that ever work?”

 

Ayla and Wyatt had a massive fight at the party. No suprises here he was smashed and flirted with some random girl that was there in front of her.

Jade slept with Grayson, at this rate I’ll be the only girl in my friend group who hasn’t.

“I left your esky behind in my rush to get out of there,” Jade explained when she showed up at Chucks house in an uber.

“It’s cool, I’m sure he’ll drop it off to Tabitha’s for me tomorrow.”

“What have you guys been up to then?” Foreplay, sex, anal sex, handcuffs… We had our own house party.

“Just watching movies, we’re about to put on another one if you want to join. I’ll make you up a bed when it’s over.”

“I can sleep with you guys,” she suggested.

“Ummm, I should probably make that bed too,”

 

Saturday 28th September

Jade made us a picnic lunch and Chuck and I joined her for a quick morning hike. Afterwards I had work, another close. Don’t get me wrong I love the penalty rates I get on night shifts but it’s really killing my social life. Chuck Jade and Felix all went back to her place to drink while I had my shift and then texted me asking for Pizza when they knew I was finished. I considered pretending that I hadn’t seen the message and just going home to bed but then another message came through saying Wyatt was over so bring three pizzas.

When I finally arrived, food in hand they were all super drunk and everyone except for Chuck was playing strip poker. I joined in and after I’d lost my socks and my hair tie and all I had left on was my underwear Chuck took off his shirt and gave it to me and then stormed out of the room. I turned around and awkwardly pulled it on despite protests to go and find him but he’d already left. I went back inside, got dressed and went to bed in the spare room.

Leap Year Day

“Wyatt and Jade had sex.” Felix announced and handed me a cup of freshly brewed coffee. I put the steaming mug down on the counter. “Well, so much for him not wanting to cheat on Ayla,” I said and I plugged in my phone at the charging station on the kitchen bench.

“Chucks pissed at you.”

“I may have noticed, what with him storming off last night.”

“He sent me a message asking if I’d stay here to keep an eye on you.”

“What?”

“Apparently you cheat on him everytime you guys have a fight.”

“Well all I did was go to bed, I hope you told him that.”

“ I did.”

“Thanks, I think.” I can’t believe he asked him to spy on me.

*Tried talking to Chuck. Made everything worse.

“You love the attention you get from guys, don’t deny it.”

“That’s so not true, I was just joining in and having fun. You should try it sometime instead of just smoking and drinking and annoying me for sex.”

“I do a lot more than that.”

“Really? When?”

 

At work. Chuck still hasn’t replied back to me since I apologized.

 

Monday 1st March

School. Home. Wyatt came over to beg me not to rat him out to Ayla about Jade.

“I wouldn’t betray Jade like that.”

“I don’t get the impression she likes Ayla very much,”

“Well I don’t get that impression from you either, why haven’t you broke up with her already?”

“I could ask you the same thing about Chuck.”

 

Picked up dinner on the way to Chucks house. If triple fudge ice-cream counts as sustenance. I made Wyatt pay for it because it equated to hush money. Chuck rolled a joint for each of us and we sat outside in his little sisters wading pool and got high and stared at the stars. Eventually Wyatt left to go talk to Ayla.

“I hope he breaks up with her,” I told Chuck after the door closed.

“He should, he clearly doesn’t love her.”

“Because he cheated? You know that’s not why.”

“No, but he spends more time with you than his girlfriend, he’s even happy to be around me just to spend time with you.”

“I know.”

“Then do something about it.”

Chuck and I discussed the best way to minimize contact with Wyatt and because he was really high he also let me trim his hair. I don’t think I did too bad of a job actually.

Tuesday 2nd March

School was arduous. I crammed in all my homework in my lunch break because I had to deal with Wyatt tonight like I promised. Unfortunately when I called him on my walk home he was already with Ayla and I didn’t want to have this conversation with her in earshot.

Wyatt showed up at my place and we walked across the road to the park so we could have a smoke.

“Did you break up with her?”

“No,” he said and he turned away from me.

“Oh for god sakes, what are you doing?”

“I told her that I’m no good for her and that I want to go get treatment for my addiction.”

“What addiction?” I regretted those words as soon as I said them, even an idiot could see how badly he misused everything you could possible drink or smoke.

“Liam is going to kick me out if I don’t go to a day program,” he admitted.

I laughed, I couldn’t help it, a dealer giving rehab advice.

“Okay but that doesn’t change the fact you should break up with her.” She’s too good for him, she truly truly is.

In my room

Giving another boy a hair cut. This is not the cutting that Chuck had in mind when he told me to deal with Wyatt but he seemed so lost that I couldn’t help myself. He needs a haircut for his upcoming court case anyway and if he’s going to see some counsellor about his substance abuse he should at least look like he wants to change for the better.