What my diary entries looked like at 14… I changed the names and there are two sections of dialogue that didn’t exist before but everything else is copied out of my old journal verbatim.
I added the dialogue in for you guys because I can remember it pretty well and it helps with understanding what happened.
Gosh, I was a funny kid. Reading my journal entries makes me almost wet myself sometimes. I was the worst! I can’t wait to finish my book series so you can try and work out where I included some of this content in The Girl Diaries, The Boy Chronicles and The Therapy Journals series. Write what you know right?
Sunday, November 9th
Okay so since Monday the week has been… really odd… in an awesome way. I finally told Tabitha all about Wyatt. Ayla and Grayson went on a double date with Tabitha and Leyton. I helped Leigh make stirfry at her place after school, Chuck came by and ate most of it. It was the first, and very likely the last time Leigh ever lets him in her house. He lit up on her front veranda while her parents were home. Sometimes he is just super dumb.
When I got home I found a wallet that has been lost for years, it had ten dollars in it which I used to buy a joint from Leyton.
Chuck tried to make up for getting us kicked out of leigh’s house by giving me head which somehow turned into me giving him head. Go figure.
Tuesday, I got a B for my English monologue. We had a performance for ensemble, our last one for the year. Barely anyone asides other music geeks turned up. I officially resigned from strings straight afterwards. I can think of five thousand things I would rather do on a (Wednesday night) instead of practice viola. And the less I see of Melita next year the better, it’s bad enough she is in two of my elective classes for the next two years. To celebrate Chuck and I had sex for the first time in a fortnight. I should quit band more often.
Wednesday, went to the heritage village for an excursion. The food was definitely the highlight.
Thursday, SOSE exam followed by shopping. Poor Leigh was the only person there without a boyfriend.
Friday, Jade threw a party but I had to work and the cops had broken it up by the time I finished my close.
Saturday, Huge piss up out at the music bowl. Wow, just. Wow. Every single teenager in the whole district was there. Tabitha kissed every guy but Leyton and Grayson hooked up with Delia back stage while his band friends performed. I got beyond trashed, people were just handing me drinks all night. I flashed the band for a T-shirt and then danced in the mosh pit with Leigh. This all got caught on film apparently, including me making out with Leigh and her copping a feel while she helped me get dressed into my prize. No idea what happened to the singlet I had original worn out. Chuck got grumpy about it and I made it up to him by giving him head in the disabled toilet stall. Lucky I did because while we were in there the police showed up and we were able to hide out until they had finished taking names.
When I finally crawled back into bed with Chuck not far behind I had ten missed calls and one very messy voice mail from Tabitha. Turns out Leyton dumped her.
Saturday, November 15th 2003
Shit the semester is almost over. Chuck and I have been officially dating for two months. It feels way longer though as I have known him since June.
Monday, cooked jam drops, baking always makes me feel better when I am hungover AF. Spoke to Delia about her making out with Grayson while he was dating Ayla. She didn’t even try to defend her actions, I kind of admire her sheer guile.
Tuesday, as per usual our English teacher was being a hard ass, getting up me for finishing my last assignment TOO SOON as that means I didn’t put in enough effort to grasp the material. She ahsn’t even read it. Unghhh.
Wednesday, Chuck is busy with school stuff so he doesn’t get kept back so I have been missing him loads. I actually did all of my work in double maths today and my teacher was too amazed to hide the shock when I emailed him my score. His glasses actually fell off his face.
Thursday, after school I delivered weed to Jade that she had asked Grayson for and then met up with Kacie at the shops. Chuck joined us and so did Shona. God, why is she always around my boyfriend? Honestly, doesn’t she have her own? Oh wait, she does, that would be Theodore. Why can’t she hang out with him instead?
I was immensely relieved when Jade showed up with Felix and I could get high and stop caring about whether or not Shona was making fun of me every time she and Chuck would laugh together.
Jade was wearing a beret and Felix kept calling her Paris. I saw Delia and Grayson together in the food court and met up with Tabitha and Ayla. Ayla was down so I convinced her to eat chips with gravy, chicken salt and sour cream. Always cheers me up. She had to hold her nose as she put it in her mouth the first time but she came around when she realised it was uber tasty.
Friday, double spare. I helped Grayson write an apology letter to Ayla. I was amazed he agreed to it at all to be honest but it was really heartfelt and I was happy to sneak it into her locker. I wrote a letter for Chuck afterwards but I definitely won’t ever give it to him. No point bringing up issues we are both happier repressing.
Talked online with Jake, he has decided that he wants to try pot and would appreciate me and my connections hooking him up.
“I’m not a drug dealer you know.”
“But you’re dating one.”
“Actually I’m not.”
“He knows where to score weed though.”
“Definitely, please Riss, please get a couple of joints for me.”
“Not through my boyfriend.”
“That’s for me to know and you to come up with fifty dollars.”
“Joints don’t cost that much.”
“Hahahahahaha. Okay, deal.” F*#k it, I know Jake can afford it.
Saturday, Netball was cancelled so Chuck, Jade Felix and I went to the skate park. I almost did a jump. Felix asked Jade out and then I had to sit there while they made out because Chuck was having fun on his bike so he didn’t want to play with me.
Monday, December 1st 2003
Walked over to Chucks to watch movies. Got chips along the way. His mum was home so we got interrupted constantly. It’s almost like parents think if they can’t get any they have to make sure nobody else does.
Monday, first day of exam block. Totally dull. Talked to Nate and Colton in my first free period, they were cooking and as we know, I am always up for free snacks.
Tuesday, Dance exam went well, part one of the three days we are performing did anyway, I wrote a poem after I finished my Social Studies multiple choice. I wish all exams were multiple choice, I always know the answer when I can choose it out of a line up.
Wednesday, Filled my water bottle up with ice and some of mums scotch. Didn’t end up drinking it in class because I forgot to bring gum. Alistair walked me home and it was lucky I hadn’t drank because mum asked me to come help her with work that afternoon.
Thursday was good. The day went like WHOOSH, we didn’t go shopping which was good as I am still poor from buying Christmas gifts for everyone. We went to the Lock In at The Arcade and Summer gave me an update of Wyatt’s plea bargain so now there will be no trial to attend. Chuck could tell I was distracted after talking to her and he did his best to cheer me up by playing Dance Dance Revolution with me. He had almost beat me a couple of times by the end of the night.
Friday, Tabitha and I blew off school in favour of window shopping and carbs. We talked a lot, about her seeing Blake again, about my upcoming birthday plans, we even discussed books, a very little but it was still nice. We went to Jades for the evening, she was throwing an invite only break up party since she refused to attend Melita’s bonfire night. Colton, Nate, Alistair, Grayson, Leyton, Delia, Felix and Chuck were all there by the time we arrived. Everyone was considerably wasted and had even set up a blow up pool. I immediately thought about asking Kacie to come when I saw it but figured it was late notice and she was probably already somewhere else. Jade let me borrow a pair of her togs so I could get in and then we did tequila shots. Felix and Jade ended up having sex in her mums caravan, three times! I got drunk enough not to care when Chuck carried me upstairs and we ended up in my friends bed. I promise I will was the sheets I swear. He must not have been as drunk as I thought because he went five times before we ended up falling asleep. Not his best record but he definitely did better than me. I was amazed he didn’t care enough to try for a sixth but maybe he was counting my three orgasms as cumulative towards an even numbered total for the night. Or morning rather.
Saturday, Tabitha filled me in on all the goss while we sipped kombucha in the hammock. She made out with both Grayson and Leyton. Delia was majorly drunk and pashed Daniel. I hadn’t even realised Daniel came round that is how engrossed I was in other activities.
Once we had pepped up we showered, got into our netball gear and then won our semi-finals. I sat out two quarters and Tabitha sat out three which is probably the contributing factor. Never though I would be grateful to have Baidon as a spare on our team but I genuinely was thankful today. I measured my weed plants and they are now 23cm. I should probably see if Liam will come and get them soon, mum won’t believe the tomatoes project lie much longer I am thinking.
Went to Melita’s around five, Leigh had managed to convince Jade to get her sister to buy us booze even though Jade wasn’t coming. Chucks mother gave us a lift and Tabitha and Leigh caught an Uber with the esky.
Chuck was annoyed it was all girly vodka drinks and promptly decided to just get really high rather than be seen drinking anything with a pink label.
I was amazed how many people came, everyone from netball, including Jake, everyone from our grade apart from Jade and Stavros, and quite a few people from the upper grades as well. I managed to score a couple of beers of Josh to give to Chuck and then Liam gifted him a rum later on as well. I lost track of Tabitha early on, she was making out with Grayson again, they didn’t even break apart when a fight started between two guys right near her.
I’d lost my enthusiasm for drinking by then, between that and an unsettling flirty moment with Jake I just wanted to curl up in my tent with my boyfriend and call it a night. He was only too happy to oblige.
He told me he loved me for the first time and it was the most perfect moment you could ever imagine. Only to be eclipsed when my now husband professed he loved me under similar circumstances some eight years later.
Sunday, helped with the morning after barbeque on the coals leftover from the bonfire. Went over to Jades to return her esky (I had filled it with candy bars that Melita’s parents had been giving away to everyone) then went home to mow the lawn. I was really grateful to not be hungover while doing that.
Chuck finally got a new computer so he ignored me for it all afternoon but I didn’t mind because I had loads of chocolate to keep me satisfied instead.
Saturday, December 6th
On Tuesday I went to Chucks to get away from my psychotic mother who broke my computer. He promised he would fix it and then let me finish the edits on my resume using his. Of course he used it as a way to convince me to give him head because I now owed him. Boys. Lol.
Wednesday was the worst day of my life. Well maybe not, but geez it really sucked. Mum made me help her clean out the garage as punishment for running off yesterday and when I finally finished Wyatt called and asked if I wanted to come to a party with him tonight to celebrate his community service sentence. Of course I said yes, I didn’t want to stay home and get the cold shoulder from my mother for the rest of the night when I could be drinking. Then he asked if I wanted to bring a friend so I texted around and Tabitha was free. She came round for a “sleep over.”
We snuck out as soon as mum was asleep, Wyatt met us at the park beside my house, then we went to maccas, his shout, got a feed and then walked to his mates house with him. That was the end of things being fun for the evening.
We had a couple of cones but the vibe was really off. The party was just us two girls, Wyatt and three of his friends who were all like twenty-four or maybe older. They kept offering us drinks but we were pretty sure the weed wasn’t just weed by that point so I faked being sick and we took off. Now, what happened after I can’t one hundred percent say I know for certain but it felt like they were chasing after us because we hid underneath a ute and the same car kept driving around the streets where we were hiding. When it finally stopped circling the block we ran like anything back towards my place, even taking a shortcut through the school so we couldn’t be seen along the main road. We saw a lot of strange shit on the way back, at one point we were both sure that their were crocodiles beneath the bridge. Once we were safely back at mine we locked all the doors and that’s when the adrenaline wore off and both of us knew for sure that the weed had been fucked with because we spent the next few hours alternating puking in the downstairs toilet. Lesson learnt. Don’t trust Wyatt or his criminal mates. And definitely don’t go to a party where guys ask you to “bring a friend.”
Thursday, I was still spaced out, so was Tabitha. Chuck came over and I let Tabitha fill him in, I didn’t have the guts. He wasn’t happy but he could see how badly shaken we both were so I guess he figured we had already learned our lesson.
Leigh guilt tripped us both into coming out shopping with her even after we had filled her in on the almost date rape saga and not even five minutes after Chuck, Tabitha and I arrived I ran into Wyatt while waiting for Chuck and Tabitha to buy drinks in the supermarket. I couldn’t even move. I just stood there while he apologised for his friends poor behaviour, they hadn’t been trying to date rape us, they assumed we knew there would be heroin mixed with the weed. Who the hell even assumes that? No wonder we hallucinated and got so sick. Chuck saw us talking and came to my rescue, if it hadn’t been for me crying and needing him to hold me I can one hundred and fifty percent guarantee he would have punched Wyatt’s lights out.
Tabitha decided she wanted to go home after I told her what we had been dosed with the previous evening and I followed soon after, waiting only long enough for Ayla and Leigh to show up to let them know I wasn’t staying and why. Ayla was sympathetic, Leigh was annoyed but attempted not to show it which I appreciated.
Friday, spent the whole day in bed with Chuck. We didn’t do anything, I was still experiencing some really unpleasant symptoms of nausea coupled with a really sore throat. My phone rang eleven times from a private number and Chucks rang four times. No points for guessing who that was.
I had a text from Summer around dinner time asking how I was feeling which means that her and Liam know about what happened now as well. Just great.
Saturday, I took six Ibuprofen and sucked it up to go play our finals. We won, Jake was so happy he ran around picking all the girls up and kissing them. I held up my hand when he tried it on me and unexpectedly Leigh gave me an early birthday present she had purchased for me Thursday night. It was a really cute Russ bunny keychain, his name was Maxim.
I walked to Chucks house with Tabitha, picking Jade up along the way. We hung out under his house with Felix and Kacie and listened to music. Chuck let us play songs that we actually like which was a nice change of pace for his stereo. All that metal he blasts can’t possibly be good for the graphene membrane.
Chuck and I are sitting out the front. He’s smoking, what new? And I am trying to avoid the awkward vibe that the whole Jade dating Tabitha’s ex but Tabitha is in the same room as them has created.
He got a call from an unknown number and then I got one. I sighed. “Geez Wyatt, you are not going to be forgiven, give it a rest already.”
“Maybe it’s not Wyatt.”
“Who else would call us both that isn’t already here?”
“I don’t know, it’s just weird. I mean, I always knew he was a few screws short but date raping underage girls and stalking them, that’s below even his standards.”
“I don’t care. I just wish he was going to jail.”
Chuck didn’t say anything but he put out his smoke and hugged me until I felt good enough to go back inside with everyone else.