Excerpt (draft one) from Hearts Unbound – Book Nine of The Girl Diaries

Some CampNaNoWriMo stuff I needed to store because I’m not on my PC and I can’t remember my email password.

 

14th February

My valentines sucked

 

Sunday 15th February

Shift at work was miserable. I was heartbroken and hungover.

You busy?

Just got off work

Come over?

I can but I’ve got work later.

Liams angry at Wyatt for going out with that girl in your ensemble group.

Ayla?

Yes.

Why.

Because he’s in love with you and Liam told him to leave you be. He thinks Wyatt is doing it to make you jealous.

Well, it’s not working. It’s just weird. Poor Ayla.

*Drama between Liam and Summer. I know it’s my fault because Wyatt came over my house last night

I left Summers house and thought about walking over to Chucks place. I didn’t want to go home. I got to his street and changed my mind, I couldn’t talk to him about this. I found myself absentmindedly going over to Kacies.

I rang the doorbell and her little brother answered. We’re the same height even though he’s years younger than me. He grinned and I was shocked at home much he looked like his big sister, they even have the same indent on there chins.

“ I’m here to see Kacie.”

“ She’s at work.”

“ Oh…”

“ Dad’s just gone to pick her up, do you want to wait in her room?”

“ Is that okay?”

“I don’t care,” he said walking back to the lounge leaving the door wide open, he plonked back on the couch picked up the controller and unpaused his game. The sound of shooting filled the hallway and I closed the door and made my way towards the stairs.

*turns out Kacie has had sex with Leyton, Jake and even Owen because he thought Delia dumped him. Nope. Awkward.

“When did all that happen?” I asked, genuinely impressed at home many boys she had slept with in such a short time. She’d been a virgin when we first met, could that really only be four months ago?

*Kacie and I talked about the Wyatt Ayla drama and I called my mum to tell her where I was and that I’d be home early tomorrow to get ready for work. I needed a uniform that fit me, Kacie was two sizes smaller than I am.

Chuck sent me a text as soon as I got off the phone with my mum.

Where are you?

Kacies.

Why?

Why not.

Wanna come to mine? Mum let me buy Woodys.

“Do you mind if we take this sleepover to your besties house.”

“Chucks not my bestie you know.”

“What is he to you?”

About the only guy I don’t ever want to sleep with.

Harsh.

No, it’s good. We can just hang out it’s great, plus he has you and he really loves you.

Why’d he try to hook up with Adalind then?

He was angry, but at least it helped him realise there is a difference between being with someone you love and just hooking up. He didn’t understand how meaningless it was before, before he’d only ever been with you.

“ Should I feel jealous?” I don’t. I’m worried that means something.

“ I wish I didn’t feel jealousy, it’s not productive.”

 

Monday 16th February

Chuck and I went back to my place so I could shower and dress for work. Mum invited him to join her at the movies while I had my shift. Geez mum, way to go overboard with being nice. Weirdly enough Chuck said yes. I couldn’t control my jaw dropping.

*unprotected sex and he came inside me*

“ I’m so sorry, I started pulling out and you dug your nails in.”

“ I don’t even remember.”

“ I came in you, shit you’re not on anything.”

“ I know but wow it’s so much better.”

“What?”

Theres no pain afterwards.”

“You always felt pain after?” Chuck looked horrified.

“With condoms yeah that’s why I always wanted to shower, it burned, I just thought it was normal.”

“No, it really isn’t. You ever think maybe you’re allergic to latex or something?”

 

Tuesday 17th February

Class. Home. Doctors visit to grab the morning after pill. Went to Chucks after school and noticed Adalind was there smoking with Chuck on the steps.

“Hey, sorry I didn’t tell you I was coming over.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I’m leaving anyway I just came to grab this,” she held up a pack of filters.

“Nice seeing you,” I said and squeezed past them to go and grab a cup of water so I could take these tablets.”

“I have to take two now and two at six,” I told chuck when he joined me in the kitchen.

“Did you have to get your mum to give permission?”

“No,” My sister pretended to be my mum and gave consent to my GP but Chuck didn’t need to know about that mortifying lecture she gave me about safe sex. I was still reeling myself.

I didn’t keep any of the tablets down in the end and I threw up well into the night. Chuck suggested calling an ambulance at one point.

“No, then my mum will definitely find out what idiots we are and I don’t want to ruin how good it is with you guys.”

“She’s definitely warmed up to me since…”

“Since I cut myself?” I finished for him.

“That, yeah.”

“You’re allowed to talk about it, I’m definitely not going to do it again.” Because I’m never going to cheat on you and hate myself for it.

Wednesday 18th February

Didn’t go to school. Still felt way too nauseated. Mum asked me if I was pregnant when she got home from work and found me lying on the bathroom floor. I told her that I definitely wasn’t but she wasn’t convinced. Neither was I to be honest. Surely this nausea can’t just be from the morning after pill.

Wyatt called, apparently Ayla had told him I wasn’t at school.

“Because I’ve been puking, but hard to work on choreography when you can’t move your head without retching into a toilet bowl.”

“you always say exactly what you’re thinking don’t you?” Actually, I most definitely do not.

“ Why are you calling?”

“To see how you are.”
“ Alive, now can I go back to bed please,”

“You sure you don’t want me to bring you chicken soup.”

“I’d just projectile vomit it back up all over you Wyatt and I’m sure Ayla wouldn’t appreciate you playing nurse with me.”

Silence.

 

At the GP with Chuck and my mum. When the nurse called my name they both stood up to come in with me.

“I’m going in alone.” I told them and when neither of them sat down I pursed my lips, “ Fine I won’t see a doctor, I’ll just wait it out like I wanted to in the first place.”

“Take a pregnancy test at least, please.” My mother said and Chucks face went white.

“ I’m not pregnant.” I told them both before turning around to head into the treatment room. I wish saying that convinced myself.

 

Thursday 19th February

The maxalon needle my doctor gave me did wonders, also I’m not pregnant, or if I was I’m not anymore. My GP also gave me another dose of tablets, mifepristone this time rather than just the morning after pill and I woke up today with cramps and a period that wasn’t due.

Sitting in assembly being lectured by our deputy principal.

Thank god school ends early on Wednesdays.

Walked to the shops with jade and met up with Felix. Super awkward tension. After I got credit I texted Chuck to see if he was done for the day and suggested we head to the pool.

Eating Chips and chocolate.

“ Good to see you have your appetitie back.”

“I never thought I would eat again.”

“ Don’t be so dramatic,” Alistair said, “ you had food poisoning for one day.”

“Well it felt like a month,”

“You’ve just eaten enough food to last a month,” Leigh said joining us on the stands.

“ Is anyone else grossed out by those two?” Alistair asked and we followed his gaze to watch Wyatt and Ayla making out underneath one of the diving boards.

“I know how to fix it,” said Felix and he jumped in beside them creating a wave that splashed everyone and ruined the rest of my lunch.

“Want me to get you another serve?” Chuck asked looking at my soggy half eaten plate.

“No,” I got up and dumped the pack in the bin and walked over to where Kacie was sunbathing with some of her school mates.

“Sup viola girl,” Veronica said, her voice was bright but her sneer was evident.

“I’m actually doing violin this year?”

“Can’t even commit to an instrument,” she said and I shifted awkwardly. We both know she was questioning my commitment to something else. I’m just glad Chuck hadn’t overheard her.

“Don’t be such a cow, come tan with us Riss.” Kacie offered.

“I just burn.”

“I just freckle but it sure does feel good in the moment.”

Felix chose that moment to get out of the pool and shake off like a dog.

“Asswipe!” Veronica yelled at him and threw a shoe at him in exasperation. He ducked out of the way and her thong landed in the pool. Wyatt swam over and handed it back to her.

“I’m gonna head, you coming?” she asked Kacie who declined.

“Yeah, I’m done with swimming too, lets go somewhere cooler for the rest of the afternoon,” Chuck said and he handed me my bag and unused towel.

“Is that dry?” Felix asked hopefully. I threw the towel at his face.

“We could go to the movies?” I suggested. My last pay was just begging to be used frivolously.

“There’s a new vampire movie out, I’ll come if you guys go see that.”

“Don’t get enough sucking in real life huh?” Felix asked her and Kacie and I both shot him and angry look.

 

*At the movies Kacie gave both Chuck and Felix hickeys to prove how expert her real life sucking skills really are.

“Your turn then, she said to me after she finished and a shiny red welt was apparent just below the caotd triangle of Felix’s neck. Chucks hickey was lower, just above his clavicle.

“I’m good, I’ve no doubt you have superior skills.”

“She really doesn’t” Chuck whispered and he reached over to hold my hand again. I relaxed the moment he touched me, I had even realized how wound up I’d gotten watching Kacie suck on his skin.

“ I will have to go to work soon,” I told him, my eyes on the screen. I didn’t want to look at the hickey on his neck again, it looked painful and I definitely wasn’t going to kiss it better. I had been so shocked when he agreed to let her give him one at all.

“ Want me to walk you over?”

“nah, hang out with these guys. Try not to hook up with Felix while I’m gone.”

“haha.”

 

Friday 20th

I have awful handwriting.

School was okay. More department heads ranting at school. This time it was about kids continuing to smoke in the tunnels below the overpass. I left school one class early to meet up with Summer before she went to work. We totally smoked together under the overpass before getting chocolate frappes together.

Chuck took me on an actual date.

I wore a dress and everything was great until Wyatt showed up with Ayla at the same restaurant and they sat down with us. He was clearly stoned and decided to loudly proclaim his theories about aliens in the middle of the dinner rush.

“Ask him to go outside for a smoke,” I begged Chuck. People were staring.

“Lets just leave.”

“I can’t do that to Ayla.”

“You owe me,” I’ll probably owe you for the rest of my life.

Ayla ate her meal in silence and then she and I paid for the bill. The guys still hadn’t come back inside.

Wyatt was sharing a joint with Chuck in the parking lot.

“I want to go home,” I told them as we made our way over to the bike racks they were resting on beside the industrial bin.

“I’ll walk you,” they both offered at once. Sigh.

“It’s all good, Ayla and I can share an uber,” I told them and I took her hand and headed back out the front of the building.

I got home and wrote a poem called Stuck on You. I can’t ever show it to anyone because it’s all about how Wyatt can’t seem to get over me but I needed to get my unhappiness at this fact out anyways.

I’m sorry I love him more, I know it isn’t fair

To lead you on and care not for your despair.

My heart is already full, though it doesn’t always show

The ways in which I love him are more than I bear to know.

I can’t remember your embrace, while accepting his.

That’s why I deny your attention and hurt you like this.

If only you could give your heart to another

I’d gladly go back to treating you as a brother

But that’s unrealistic to wish for it seems

I have to settle for watching you rip apart at the seams.

According to his profile Jake is dating Melita again. Good. They deserve eachother. Sometimes I wonder why I bother with these social accounts at all. No one even tells you anything in real life anymore.

While I was busy not caring about what my ex is up to I heard the doorbell ring, I checked my phone. Nope no messages. It’s not that late, it’s probably for mum.

“Can you get that?” she called. What am I the butler?

I opened the door to see a very well dressed Wyatt. Why didn’t he wear that nice outfit to dinner though?

“I need you to do me a favor.” Not this again.

“Ayla isn’t answering and Liam and Summer have friends over.”

“How does this result in you being on my doorstep?”

“I don’t want to get high and hook up with anyone.”

“So you came here.” Great logic that is.

“Yeah, you don’t want to cheat, I don’t want to cheat. We can help eachother.”

Saturday 21st

As soon as Wyatt went home I messaged Chuck. Can I come over today?

Of course, you don’t have to ask. He reminded me.

I grabbed food on the way over and we curled up in his airconditioned room to watch movies.

“I wish I didn’t have to get to work.”

“ I wish you never had to get dressed.”

“ if I had a bike of my own I wouldn’t have to leave for another half an hour.”

“Buy one, you can always earn more money.”

“Will you help me pick one?”

“Yeah I’ll go check out a few shops while you’re on shift.

“You’re amazing.”

“Do amazing boyfriends do this?” he asked and he rolled me on top of his still naked body and pulled my nipple in between his teeth and bit down slightly. I inhaled sharply and felt his penis harden under my thigh. I kissed him and said, “I guess they do.”

Later that night.

I have a nice shiny new bike and Chuck and I raced over to Felix’s house on it. Jade was already there and in his pool when we arrived. Chuck beat me by at least three blocks. No one felt like drinking so we just swam until I figured it was late and I should head home.

“I could ride with you, stay over, finish what we started this morning before you left rudely.”

“I have to work early tomorrow.”

“Please,” I hate saying no to him.

“I could finish you off here, those two aren’t coming out of his room anytime soon.”

 

Sunday 22nd February

 

Monday 23rd February

I got zero sleep last night because chuck stayed over. Ever since we got back together all he wants to do is have sex or get head. He made me come eight times last night before he finally let me go to sleep. I didn’t mind then but I’m stupid sore now and just lifting a pot of water is making my abdominal muscles contract painfully. It’s mums birthday though so I’m going to make her poached eggs with fried tomatoes and spinach. Hoepfully. I’ve never made poached eggs before but I found a recipe for it and it doesn’t look that difficult.

At swimming carnival sunbaking with Ayla and Leigh. Tabitha is the only one of us who still had races, if they weren’t taking attendance I would have just gone home to sleep. I managed a first place in backstroke despite not having any rest for the past 36 hours.

“So have you spoke to Wyatt since the worst double date ever?” I asked.

“Yes, he admitted he was being a wanker and apologized.”

“I hope you told him you will never go anywhere with him when he’s off his face,” Leigh said, the set of her eyes cold and severe.

“I told him that.” Why do I doubt the sincerity in that statement though?

At sizzler with the pirate family.

I had to leave early, before dessert even to get to work. I’m approaching 42 hours with no sleep now, I don’t know how I am going to manage.

Tuesday 24th February

Got home from my shift, amazed that my till even balanced because I can barely remember anything outside my hazy state.

My phone is ringing. Noooo I just want to go to bed. But it’s Chuck.

“Hey,”

“is Wyatt over?”

“What, no, I just got back from work.”

“oh, I forgot.”

“I really need to go to sleep,” I told him.

“He’s dropping off a bag for me.”

“Why is he dropping it to my place?”

“he lives closer to you.”

“I’ll wait up,” I promised but I wasn’t happy about it.

 

Fell asleep on the bench outside and woke up when Wyatt was carrying me into my bed. He tried to climb in with me too but I hissed at him, “Just leave what Chuck asked for and go.”

“I thought we could roll one, I need your advice about Ayla.”

“I don’t want to get high I just want to sleep.”

“She’s still pissed at me though.”

“Maybe stop getting trashed every single day and just spend time with her then.”

Woke up to mum asking me if I’d seen her spare shoes. Yes I had, I wore them to work last week and accidentally left them at Chucks house. I didn’t want to tell her that so I pretended to help her look for them instead of going back to sleep.

Decided I was too tired for school Want me to bring your weed over?

Ditching school are we?

Yes, but only because I want to sleep in your aircon. I’m sunburnt.

We got high and walked around the shopping centre. Ran into my mum and I made up some story about needing aloevera gel. I don’t think she bought it but she shouted Chuck and I lunch and waited around for me to try on clothes before giving us both a lift back to our place.

 

Wednesday 25th February

School. I had to pay attention because I had a lot of catch up to do. Wagging always seems like a good idea and it never is.

Got my pay in, shouted food for Tabitha, Chuck and Felix at the Indoor Sports Centre. Training was brutal, I still haven’t caught up on enough sleep.

Thursday 26th February

School.

Chuck met me after and he has the sniffles. I tucked him into my bed and made him a tin of soup. He ate it and fell asleep. I did my homework while listening to him snore and wished, not for the first time, that we could just live together. Not in our parents home but in our own place.

I fell asleep on the couch watching a movie and when I woke up I noticed my bed was empty. A sinking panicked feeling crept in. I checked my phone. Nothing.

I went to go look for him upstairs when I heard hushed angry voices.

I peeped out the front to see Chuck talking to Wyatt. What the hell is he doing here?

 

Friday 27th February

After eavesdropping on Chucks terrible advice to Wyatt about Ayla. “Dump her, find someone you want to be with and don’t tell them all your sordid history with Clarrissa.” I couldn’t hardly sleep so I’m at school like a zombie again.

“There’s a party at Graysons tonight,” Leigh told me at lunch.

“Are you going?”

“Yep, are you.”

“No, and Chuck is still sick so I’m going to his place tonight.”

“Can I tell my mum I’m sleeping at yours?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Can I tell my mum the same thing?” Tabitha asked.

“Sure, I’ll unplug the home line in case one of your folks tries to check up.”

“I was actually hoping we could both get ready at yours,” Leigh asked, she batted her eyelids at me.

I laughed, “Does that ever work?”

 

Ayla and Wyatt had a massive fight at the party. No suprises here he was smashed and flirted with some random girl that was there in front of her.

Jade slept with Grayson, at this rate I’ll be the only girl in my friend group who hasn’t.

“I left your esky behind in my rush to get out of there,” Jade explained when she showed up at Chucks house in an uber.

“It’s cool, I’m sure he’ll drop it off to Tabitha’s for me tomorrow.”

“What have you guys been up to then?” Foreplay, sex, anal sex, handcuffs… We had our own house party.

“Just watching movies, we’re about to put on another one if you want to join. I’ll make you up a bed when it’s over.”

“I can sleep with you guys,” she suggested.

“Ummm, I should probably make that bed too,”

 

Saturday 28th September

Jade made us a picnic lunch and Chuck and I joined her for a quick morning hike. Afterwards I had work, another close. Don’t get me wrong I love the penalty rates I get on night shifts but it’s really killing my social life. Chuck Jade and Felix all went back to her place to drink while I had my shift and then texted me asking for Pizza when they knew I was finished. I considered pretending that I hadn’t seen the message and just going home to bed but then another message came through saying Wyatt was over so bring three pizzas.

When I finally arrived, food in hand they were all super drunk and everyone except for Chuck was playing strip poker. I joined in and after I’d lost my socks and my hair tie and all I had left on was my underwear Chuck took off his shirt and gave it to me and then stormed out of the room. I turned around and awkwardly pulled it on despite protests to go and find him but he’d already left. I went back inside, got dressed and went to bed in the spare room.

Leap Year Day

“Wyatt and Jade had sex.” Felix announced and handed me a cup of freshly brewed coffee. I put the steaming mug down on the counter. “Well, so much for him not wanting to cheat on Ayla,” I said and I plugged in my phone at the charging station on the kitchen bench.

“Chucks pissed at you.”

“I may have noticed, what with him storming off last night.”

“He sent me a message asking if I’d stay here to keep an eye on you.”

“What?”

“Apparently you cheat on him everytime you guys have a fight.”

“Well all I did was go to bed, I hope you told him that.”

“ I did.”

“Thanks, I think.” I can’t believe he asked him to spy on me.

*Tried talking to Chuck. Made everything worse.

“You love the attention you get from guys, don’t deny it.”

“That’s so not true, I was just joining in and having fun. You should try it sometime instead of just smoking and drinking and annoying me for sex.”

“I do a lot more than that.”

“Really? When?”

 

At work. Chuck still hasn’t replied back to me since I apologized.

 

Monday 1st March

School. Home. Wyatt came over to beg me not to rat him out to Ayla about Jade.

“I wouldn’t betray Jade like that.”

“I don’t get the impression she likes Ayla very much,”

“Well I don’t get that impression from you either, why haven’t you broke up with her already?”

“I could ask you the same thing about Chuck.”

 

Picked up dinner on the way to Chucks house. If triple fudge ice-cream counts as sustenance. I made Wyatt pay for it because it equated to hush money. Chuck rolled a joint for each of us and we sat outside in his little sisters wading pool and got high and stared at the stars. Eventually Wyatt left to go talk to Ayla.

“I hope he breaks up with her,” I told Chuck after the door closed.

“He should, he clearly doesn’t love her.”

“Because he cheated? You know that’s not why.”

“No, but he spends more time with you than his girlfriend, he’s even happy to be around me just to spend time with you.”

“I know.”

“Then do something about it.”

Chuck and I discussed the best way to minimize contact with Wyatt and because he was really high he also let me trim his hair. I don’t think I did too bad of a job actually.

Tuesday 2nd March

School was arduous. I crammed in all my homework in my lunch break because I had to deal with Wyatt tonight like I promised. Unfortunately when I called him on my walk home he was already with Ayla and I didn’t want to have this conversation with her in earshot.

Wyatt showed up at my place and we walked across the road to the park so we could have a smoke.

“Did you break up with her?”

“No,” he said and he turned away from me.

“Oh for god sakes, what are you doing?”

“I told her that I’m no good for her and that I want to go get treatment for my addiction.”

“What addiction?” I regretted those words as soon as I said them, even an idiot could see how badly he misused everything you could possible drink or smoke.

“Liam is going to kick me out if I don’t go to a day program,” he admitted.

I laughed, I couldn’t help it, a dealer giving rehab advice.

“Okay but that doesn’t change the fact you should break up with her.” She’s too good for him, she truly truly is.

In my room

Giving another boy a hair cut. This is not the cutting that Chuck had in mind when he told me to deal with Wyatt but he seemed so lost that I couldn’t help myself. He needs a haircut for his upcoming court case anyway and if he’s going to see some counsellor about his substance abuse he should at least look like he wants to change for the better.

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