Project: Pretty Liar
Book #6 in The Girl Diaries
Scene I’m proud of:
Thursday 9th October
Out Thursday night shopping with my lovely friends Tegan, Jeanne and my boyfriend Chuck.
Tegan, Chuck and Jeanne have walked off somewhere and ditched me.
Met up with Tara and we are going to go down to Fun Zone. I forgot to bring my mobile so it’s not like I can call my mates to find out where they are anyway.
Hanging out the front of Fun Zone with Tara, and some girls she knows from her Mums church group Em and Keira. Not that they are dressed like they would ever set foot in a church and finally Chuck shows up after Tegan’s and Jeanne had also ditched him. I decided not to mention feeling rejected and instead suggested we played car racing and the DDR machine for a bit.
Chuck convinced me to play pool instead, but we were interrupted by one of Tara’s older mates showing up before we had set up the rack even. He exchanged hellos with her and her other friends and then headed back outside and lit up a smoke.
He stood out the front and chain smoked for a half hour easy. Casually chatting with Tara-Louise who leaned on the bike racks beside the smoking area. He was clearly quite off his face stoned given the crimson tone of his sclera’s. I stared at him in between taking my shots as he took drag after drag. He must have thought I was checking him out because he introduced himself as Trent to me and then offered me a hit. I declined with a stifled laugh. I was checking him out. Just not in the usual way. Eventually Chuck bummed a smoke off him because he couldn’t handle nicotine withdrawal any longer and after they both finished their cigarettes he invited Trent to come play pool with us inside. They seemed to get on well, they were certainly conversing heaps in between taking shots. I decided no one would miss me while I went to the bathroom to reapply lipstick and didn’t bother to let the boys or Tara-Lousie know when I walked off. I stood and watched a couple of younger kids play Mortal Kombat for a few minutes because they had amped up the gore factor by unlocking some lizard looking character. Eventually that grew dull also and I took back up my original mission to sort out my lip situation. As I passed the row of Sega games towards the toilets I saw Josh gearing up to play laser tag with some of his basketball mates. He smiled and waved at me, so I gave him my best nonchalant nod and kept moving to the back of the building. Seriously, why does Josh have to be so good looking? I think I’m completely over feeling attracted to him and he grins at me like I’m the most amazing human being on the planet and then I spend all my energy just fighting the impulse to reciprocate his enthusiasm. It’s crazy. I hate that he still evokes any sort of emotional response from me. I wish I knew how to turn off the part of my limbic system that still finds him attractive.
We’re all out of money now so Tara-Louise got one of her friends who has a car to give Chuck a lift home from Fun Zone but there wasn’t enough room for me so then her mate Trent who was swigging a beer at that point piped up and offered to walk me back to my house. No one offered me a better alternative, so I took him up on his proposal.
It was nice of him to offer to walk me home. He said it wasn’t out of his way but I’m sure that it is. We ambled along silently for a good long while until we passed Emmaus school and I told him about working here sometimes with Mum. So, we detoured over the locked fence and I showed him the sports hall I help clean in the afternoons. There was a huge pile of leaves across the path we took to get back out of the school grounds. I took the opportunity to kick them everywhere. Trent laughed at me and then joined in. We hadn’t even made much of a go dispersing the leaf litter when he slipped and landed on his back crushing the pile completely. I didn’t mean to laugh as loudly as I did but once I started I couldn’t stop, which resulted in him retaliating and pulling me down into the autumn pile with him. We lay on the ground for a minute just giggling at how childish we were behaving and when Trent repositioned himself and sat up I followed his lead taking it as a sign we should head off again. That wasn’t his intention though because he turned to face me, pulled a twig from the complete mess that was my hair at this point and then leaned over and kissed me.
I was not expecting him to do that. He tasted like way too many cigarettes and lingering Carlton Dry. I pulled back and stood up hastily flinging my arms up in an exasperated why? I didn’t get a chance to censor the next words that came out of my mouth until I’d heard my self say, “What the actual fuck, you just spent 2 hours with me and my boyfriend?” And then I clamped my hand over my mouth mortified at the language I’d used in my shock at suddenly being kissed in the middle of a Catholic school garden bed. He smiled broadly and replied “You’re cute” which only served to make me feel more outraged. “That’s hardly a reason” I stated as I began brushing all the dirt and grime off myself and started walking towards the road again. He jogged after me and offered no apology, only saying “You’re really cute, is that a better reason?” I didn’t bother replying. I was angry at more than his justifications. I’m not cute. I have incredibly gorgeous friends in fact and they don’t get kissed constantly by random boys. Being cute isn’t the issue. Boys always tell me that I look attractive and that’s why they want to get with me. I don’t believe that’s what’s going on at all. I think I have a reputation for being easy and that’s what they find so attractive. Case in point. Trent. Trent who got on well with my actual boyfriend. Trent who shouldn’t be telling me I’m cute. The only reason this even happened is likely due to Tara-Louise telling him about me before tonight. I slipped back over the fence and marched over to the curb and pressed the button on the crosswalk and then I felt Trent stop beside me and I looked up into the goofy smile on this idiots’ face. He’s hardly going to apologise, and I still had a 5 block walk home so I looked him straight in the eyes and I asked him in a measured tone “Will you still walk me home if I won’t put out?” He pretended to think about it until the crosswalk lit up green for us and then he swung his arm across my shoulders and told me “Sure thing cutie” with a mischievous glint in his eyes that I chose to ignore as I ducked out of his one-armed hug and started across the intersection towards home.
We got back to my house without further mishap. I made a point to walk inside and lock my screen door behind me before I said goodnight to him. He didn’t look pissed off, he looked amused as he said “Night then cutie” and he blew me a kiss before heading off home himself.
The hot shower isn’t making me feel less annoyed.
All we did was kiss once though. Why do I feel so crappy?
That’s not any great achievement to only kiss someone once when you have a boyfriend.
In my bed. Crying. Lots.